For as long as I can remember, my love life has been relatively nonexistent, with an occasional first date here and a summer boo there. I’m often met with a hint of surprise when I tell people I haven’t had a relationship that lasted longer than 2 months. I usually shrug and smile in return because I don’t even know what reason to attribute to this anymore.

In the past, I felt that being single was seen as something negative, a status people secretly judged. As soon as this detail comes up in a conversation, people start offering solutions, “My cousin has hot friends,” “Let’s go out Saturday night, I know a great bar where we can meet cute guys”, etc. As if this was a problem. Societal norms have played a part in this way of thinking but my fears and the anxiety that sets in when I’m meeting someone new didn’t help the situation either. If I was out with my best friend, I wouldn’t really mingle with anyone because I was too afraid to approach a guy and start a conversation out of fear of rejection. *Sigh* If I was on a dating app, I’d start talking to a guy or two, then stop talking to them after a few days because I felt it wasn’t going anywhere or was afraid of meeting them in person (I heard stories, you know). Then I would delete the app and repeat the same cycle all over again every few months. Each time had the same result: I didn’t meet anyone or at least give someone an honest chance. Stupid, huh? Thinking back on this now, it definitely was.

Generally speaking, when I set my mind to something, I achieve it–I’m a goal getter. But out of all the areas in my life, I felt my love life was the one area I could just not get right. By that, I mean that I had not had a relationship that lasted longer than 2 months. In my mind, accomplishing this goal is what would make my love life successful.

However, this pursuit of a successful love life went out the window once the world paused and we were forced to pause along with it. It was a rough and delayed start, but I learned to look inside myself and sort through all the issues I had been unconsciously running away from. I finally gave my way of thinking about single life a hard look and made an overdue rewiring. Working on yourself is an ugly but necessary process. There’s nothing quite as deafening like staring at yourself, the real you, in silence.

Perspective changes everything. Rather than looking at single life as a status, I started approaching this as an opportunity. It’s an opportunity to work on you, for you. You invest your time in the things that matter to you, whatever that may be. When embracing this opportunity, it’s also important to have a positive mindset, which also requires some level of happiness; they go hand in hand. Remember that happiness is created internally by each of us and is a lone affair – it must start with you. It’s not always easy, but it is rewarding.

I am a work in progress, no doubt about that. So far, I’ve developed some good habits, and learned to not let fear stop me from achieving or doing something. I’m also struggling less with loneliness and am still fighting to balance “me” time with other responsibilities. Particularly on tough days, having a positive outlook helps me keep going. As I write these words, I smile because I’m happy with the woman I am becoming. Deep down, I know all this hard work will pay off.

Don’t get me wrong though, I would like to form a meaningful connection with someone. But at the same time, I realized that being single does not mean failure, it is not a negative status, and is not the end of the world. It’s a wonderful opportunity, and what we do with that opportunity is up to us. If the events of 2020 have taught me anything, it’s that you cannot take absolutely anything or anyone for granted.